How to talk to your husband about sexless marriage? Sexlessness in a marriage is generally defined lack of sex in a marriage, and it becomes a problem for at least one of the spouses. Sex might not be everything in a relationship, but it is essential to many people.
A sexless marriage is one thing; knowing how to talk to your husband about it is another. In case you have been wondering how to talk to your husband about sexless marriage, this article can help you out.
How To Talk To Your Husband About Sexless Marriage – 11 Best Ways
There are many reasons for the lack of sex in a marriage, and everyone’s sex drive and level of interest differ. Your husband might be comfortable with a sexless marriage while you are not, but you should not assume anything until after you have spoken to your husband.
While it is good that you are not avoiding the issue, you must also be careful about your tread.
It could be possible that he also is not comfortable with the lack of sex in the marriage and does not know how to approach it. Regardless, here are a few tips to help when you can discuss it with him. They include:
Approach The Conversation Positively
This should begin with you having a positive mindset that any issues between you two can be resolved. By grounding the discussion in hope and positivity, you are helping your husband focus on the larger picture instead of focusing on possible worries or insecurities that could upset him or make him upset or become defensive during the conversation.
Do not begin the conversation by pointing out what the marriage is lacking; you should instead focus on dealing with the lack of sexual intimacy in your wedding.
Do Not Throw In Accusations Or Make Unnecessary Demands
Avoid blaming yourself or your husband for the lack of sex in your marriage at all costs. In this case, being empathetic and mindful about what you say or do is essential. Respect goes both ways, and you should not let your husband blame you for avoiding responsibility for the current level of sex in your marriage.
Rather than blaming it on yourselves or specific events, look for solutions with your husband. Always remember that neither of you is wrong or right.
This conversation is not about apportioning blame; it is about finding patterns that do not work for marriage and trying to work them out as a team. Assigning fault or guilt should be avoided entirely.
Ask Questions
Sex can be a very personal subject for many people, but you can still ask your spouse about their needs, desires, limits, etc. This will help you understand what both or either of you is doing wrong. Many feelings and comparisons might arise as you work to find a solution with your partner.
Asking questions will help you understand your husband better, and then you can deal with all issues in your marriage together. When you know where your husband is coming from, you can dig into the root cause of sexlessness in your wedding.
Pick The Right Moment To Talk
Bringing up the topic can be difficult for both of you because sex might be a personal subject. Try to pick the right moment, like when you both are relaxed or unlikely to be disturbed.
The right moment can be in the privacy of your room, which will be preferable to having a conversation at a restaurant with people around. Communication is one of the keys to a healthy marriage, but you need to know when and how to use it.
Keep The Conversation About Sex Open
Sexlessness does not have to be a one-time conversation; the communication channels must be open to keep the conversation ongoing. Tease and be playful with them.
You both must regularly discuss your feelings and be careful not to go further than what your partner is comfortable with.
Conversations about intimacy do not have to be serious. Discuss what you love about your spouse. Be honest, listen to each other, and be patient.
Be Honest About Your Thoughts And Emotions
Some people can be perfectly okay with having a sexless marriage. Intimacy is one of the essential pillars of marriage, but if you want more than that, you should tell your husband.
Do not assume anything; talk to your spouse about how you feel about being in a sexless marriage. Accept that you and your spouse have different needs and desires. If you two cannot point out an exact reason for your lack of sexual intimacy, you can go ahead and see a therapist.
Be A Good Listener
Many people are not good listeners, but you must be great when your partner shares his story. Rather than thinking of your reply while your partner is talking, you can focus more on hearing what they say.
How you see the issue might differ from how your husband sees it. It would be best to see the relationship from your husband’s perspective. Being a great listener can help you out with that.
How To Fix A Sexless Marriage
A sexless marriage is fixable and requires a lot of commitment and effort for the wedding to succeed; both parties must be willing to take the necessary action. It is all about finding common ground with your partner. Examples of ways to fix a sexless marriage include:
Figure Out Why Your Marriage is Sexless
Before you can address the sexual problems in your marriage, you may need to identify them. The issues might be unrelated to sex. For example, emotional stress can make it difficult for both of you to connect physically.
If you or your partner harbor any rage or resentment towards one another, dealing with it could be vital to restoring the healthy sexual relationship you might have had.
Reintroduce Intimacy Slowly
Begin with something small, like holding hands, then gradually build it up. Take small, baby steps and be patient with your spouse.
Employ The Services Of A Therapist
You both can visit a therapist for a couple of days that can help you discover the reasons for sexlessness in your marriage and guide you both towards working it out. Depending on the underlying causes, professional help might be a good option.
Examples of professional help include a marriage retreat, workshop, or seminar to help with communication and connection. If therapy seems the right direction for you and your spouse, consider seeing a counselor who focuses on sexual issues in marriage, like a certified sex therapist.
A therapist can help you and your husband better understands your sexual needs. The therapist will also assist you on how to be liberal with your partner about your sexual needs.
A therapist can also help you discover alternate options to help you and your partner meet each other’s physical or sexual needs. Asa
Does A Sexless Marriage Bother You?
You must understand what sex means to you and your partner; then, you can figure out its place in your marriage. Do not rely on others to dictate what should be expected in your wedding.
Every person is different, and so is every marriage. If you and your spouse are satisfied with having sex every quarter or once a year, then it is excellent.
The problem sets in when one or both of you is unhappy with it, probably because your sexual needs are not being met.
When this happens, the relationship becomes stable, and some agreements are modified.
What Causes A Sexless Marriage?
There is no standard number that defines “sexless.” Some say marriage is sexless when a couple has sex less than once a month and less than ten times a year, while others have issues if the frequency dips below five times a week.
Lack of sex in a marriage is not usually an issue; it is dissatisfaction with the lack of sex. Some causes of lack of sex in a marriage are grief, tiredness, aging, boredom, and job loss.
When you conflict with your partner, maintaining physical intimacy might be difficult. You might not even be in the right frame to talk to your partner, let alone engage in sexual activity.
If both partners feel satisfied with being in a marriage that does not include sex, it might not be an issue for that relationship. Maybe they have other ways of showing intimacy or spending time together. Sexlessness becomes a problem when one or both spouses become uncomfortable with it. In these cases, some of the effects that occur include:
Blaming And Fighting
If one spouse is not interested in having sex, the other spouse may feel guilty or believe they are doing something wrong.
They might begin to have serious arguments with their spouse about it.
Infidelity
This is one of the most common effects of a sexless marriage. The unsatisfied spouse usually turns to others to satisfy their sexual needs.
Divorce
The emotional connection between the two spouses might begin to lessen while the sense of detachment between them increases.
When spouses continue to distance themselves from each other, the marriage will become unstable, and divorce might be the only option.
Conclusion
Going through a sexless marriage is terrifying and unsettling, but when you want to talk to him about it, have it in your mind that the conversation should be about finding common ground with your husband.
References
How to talk to your partner if you’re not having sex but want to
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